Bag lady…let it go

Riding down abercorn heading to Ramsey apartments Monica contemplated her next move she wondered where Sean was. The very thought of him catching her made her hairs stand up in here arms. She thought maybe he had contacted shay.

“Girl have you talked to Sean’s ass? Cuz I know he looking for me.

“Naw he ain’t called me yet but its only 7 sumn he’ll be blowing up my phone soon. I’m just glad he don’t know where I live. He is crazy! Shay said as she rolled some loud up while she swerve in and out of traffic.

“I forgot bout that girl that’s a relief. All i wanna do is take a shower and pop a couple pain pills and go to sleep.” Monica said thinking bout the last couple of hours she running from a man who beat her and pregnant by a man who prolly forgot he fucked her. But some reason she had a gift feeling that her smile was just a couple of more life lessons away. She got the optimism from her grandma, who always trusted god no matter what. Monica never really thought much about god. She knows who he is but never acknowledged his presence in her life, but after all she been through she was willing to maybe see what all the fuss was about.
” shay do you think god knows how bad we struggling out here?” She asked curious if she could have a convo about god with shay. She knew she could ask her about the streets and shay would have a definite answer to that. Life had dealt shay her own stack of cards. Abandoned at 7 from her momma she gave her grandma the worse trouble till she kicked her out and the streets have been her ma and pa Every since.
” I don’t think god has mercy for ppl like us my grandma say different but life has proven her wrong!” She said will exhaling the weed and passing it.
“Girl that nigga tried to kill me back home” Monica said as she hit the blunt. Weed taking effect immediately her body felt a Little more relaxed.

“I tried to tell you to leave that foo alone! Just Cuz he got some money and pretty ass eyes you think he can’t beat yo ass or sumn?

Waiting outside at the chevron gas station for Shay, Monica was scared. She wasn’t scared of ppl seeing her nude bruised up body she was scared of seeing that Forrest green Monte Carlo pulled up on her. She walked in the gas station relieved nobody was inside besides the clerk. The female attendant was an older white woman who looked to be in her mid 50’s she noticed the naked woman pacing outside she started to call the cops since prostitution is coming around the area. When Monica walked in she noticed the bruises on her and for some reason she put the phone down. She seen how pretty Monica was through her wounds.
“what happen to you girl? Who did this to you?” She asked her fighting back tears. Monica looked her dead in her eyes with all seriousness in her voice and spoke.
“Nothing that god didn’t allow”.
“God always has a way sending angels to show you he’s still in the blessin business baby Cuz u still here!” Monica was thrown off guard by the lady statement Cuz she hadn’t heard ppl talk like that.. since her caretaker. She felt a little at ease to be among a genuine person.

“Mam do u have…”
“Don’t worry child I got something you can wear I was saving it for my own daughter who ran to these streets for comfort and I heard she selling her body so I always keep some clothes here in the store just in case she comes in here.” The woman said to Monica handing her the garments. Monica accepted the clothes without saying a word tears in her eyes she felt the need to be open since shay seemed to have forgotten about her. They two ladies talked as if they known one another for years, Monica found out the lady name Darla and she lived in Georgia her whole life only had one child from an abusive man whom she married after her daughter turned seven Darla’s husband mysteriously disappeared, police said so no foul play was involved.
” don’t ever think that you can’t get out of something. you’ll be surprised what you’ll do when your feed up.” Darla said to herself snapping out of her thoughts. She saw a green ford escort pulled to the door. A fair skinned pretty girl rowed the window down trying see who was inside.
“Is that your ride?” Darla said pointing to the door.
“Bout damn time! I been Waitin for her two hours the sun done came up now!” Monica said looking at a impatient shay.
“Baby I don’t wanna tell you who ya friends are but you been waiting in that GIrl for a while now. I know you told what happen to you. Why did it take that girl so long to get here and you said she stay ten minute from here?”
“Miss Darla she probably just took a second to get up out the bed it is 650am. I’m just glad she came.” Monica said pointing at the clock on the wall knowing damn well that shay probably had some man over and wasn’t leaving till she got paid for her service’s. Darla wrote her number on a receipt and passed it to Monica.
“Im still healing from the knives in my back from my homegirl. Be safe and let me know if you need me.” Monica took the paper and headed to the car with Darla words resting in her ears.

Coming to yourself

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Coming to terms with whom you truly are is hard especially if your scared of who your becoming. I’ve ridiculed the very thing I am, not saying I didn’t advocate properly when needed but I feel like I could’ve saved myself and others from feeling not worthy because I couldn’t recognize myself like gods see’s me and for that I’m hurt. Running from what god called me to be and standup for is horrible! As I grow and understand my own path I see that I can’t be affective until ppl know who I am as a man. What stands out the most when coming to yourself are the reminders of what your leaving in my case means my doubts what ppl thought bout me how I perceived ppl to be, how I prejudged others based on the level I thought on! I’m coming to myself I’m learning that I don’t care about what I used to care about I found out that if I allow ppl to know the REAL me then I don’t have to depress who I am to plz the others. I’m coming back to my roots I’m forgetting those things that are behind me and reaching for the things that are ahead of me you will not hear me talk ignorant about ppl that are different from me because I can truly relate now. I can empathize with you when say your coming to yourself! I Understand that it took a lot of faith and lonely nights to notice that god pick u out to be a blessing to others through simply accepting who you are and coming TO yourself god can only bless you when he knows who he is blessing!!

You might not understand why I chose to write this random article but know that the tears falling on this t mobile is just a part of me being reintroduced to the man god called me to be!!

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WHAT SHOULD SHE DO PART 5

“I AINT SELLING YOU SHIT!!NOW GET THE HELL GOING.” THE YOUNG HUSTLER SAID TO BRE.”COME ON DADDY JUST ONE LICK I REALLY NEED IT!” “MAN HELL NAW U NEED TO FOCUS ON GETTING THEM KIDS BACK, I HEARD ABOUT WAT HAPPEN AT YO CRIB.NOBODY IS GOING TO SELL TO YOU MA JUST GET CLEANED!”..BRE WAS SO SHAME SHE JUST WALKED AWAY,HEAD HUNG LOW AND DISCOURAGE.BESIDES ALL THAT SHE HASNT TOOK A BATH IN WEEKS..SHE SMELLED HERSELF SO SHE WEN TO GAS STATION AND TRIED TO CLEAN HERSELF UP THE BEST WAY SHE COULD..AFTER A LITTLE FRESHING UP BRE THOUGHT ABOUT HER OPTIONS AND HOW SHE COULD HER HERION AND HER KIDS,HER STOMACH WAS HURTING FROM THE LACK OF DRUGS..SHE KNEW IF SHE WANTED THE KIDS THE DRUGS WOULD HAVE TO WAIT AND SHE WASNT READY BUT THE FIRST PLACE SHE WENT TO WAS CHURCH..APART OF HER REALLY DIDNY WANT TO GO BUT SHE DID..”HI MY NAME IS BRE AND I NEED JESUS.”SHE SAID TO THE LADY WHO GREETED HER.”THEN YOU CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE, YOU HUNGRY?””NO MAMM I JUST NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE?”IM LISTENING AND I AINT HERE TO JUDGE ONLY GOD CAN DO THAT.”WELL IM A PROSTITUTE AND IM HOMELESS I HAVE MADE A LOT OF MISTAKES AND BEEN THROUGH IT ALL AND I KNOW THEY SAY GOD IS WITH YOU THROUGH IT ALL BUT I HONESTLY DONT FEEL LIKE HE IS.”BABY WE ALL GOTTA GO THROUGH THINGS AND I ITS KINDA ROUGH RIGHT NOW AND IT SEEMS LIKE YOU NOT GANNA MAKE  BUT I PROMISE YOU THIS..IF YOU TRUST GOD WITH ALL YOU HAVE IN YOU,YOUR STORM WILL CLEAR UP.YOU GOTTA STOP AND LET GOD COMPLETLY TAKE OVER.WATS YOUR NAME CHILD?” “BRE.”WELL BRE I KNOW U HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT BUT YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO GIVE UP THINK ABOUT THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU. IF YOU KEEP DOING WAT YOUR DOING YOU WONT SEE HAPPINESS JUST SORROW.”BRE TOOK  IN EVERYTHING THE LADY SAID.SHE KNEW SHE HAD TO CHANGE FOR HER BROTHERS AND SISTERS NOBODY WILL LOOKED AFTER THEM LIKE SHE DID.SHE HAD TO GET CLEANED FOR THEM….”THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE TALK I NEEDED TO HER IT MISS..I DONT THINK I CAUGHT YOUR NAME?” “MY NAME IS SISTER SHARON AND YOU CAN COME BACK ANYTIME,JUST PLEASE REMEMBER WHAT I SAID I WOULD HATE TO TURN ON THE NEWS AND SEE YOUR PRETTY FACE BRE.”

WHAT SHOULD SHE DO PART 4

PROCHE AND JOSH KNEW EXACTLY WHERE THEY WAS THEY HAD HEARD STORIES ABOUT THE GAURDIAN HOME BUT NEVER BEEN THERE UNTIL NOW.IT WASNT THE SPOT EITHER..”WHERE IS BRE SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE TO GET US BY NOW” JOSH THOUGHT TO HIMSELF WHILE THEY WAITED FOR THE LADY TO GET DONE PROCESSIN THEM.BEING AS YOUNG AS HE WAS, JOSH PLAYED BIG BROTHER VERY GOOD HE KNEW HE HAD TO BE STRONG FOR HIS SISTER.HE WAS ALSO SCARED TO TELL THEM PORCHE HAD BEEN MOLESTED BY HIS OLDER SISTERS TRICK.BACK AT THE ALLEY WHERE SHE HAD JUST GOT DONE  SHOTTING THE BEST HERION AROUND.BRE LAID THERE NODDING OFF ENJOYING HER FEELING, A SUDDEN DARKNESS CAME OVER HER,SHE JUST KNEW SOMEHING WASNT RIGHT SHE JUMPED UP AND RAN TO HER OLD HOUSE HOPING HER BROTHER AND SISTER WAS THERE..SHE SEEN PEOPLE OUT FRONT SO SHE STOPPED TO ASK THEM.”HEY YALL, MY BRO AND SIS BEEN THROUGH HERE?” “DAMN WHERE U BEEN THE POLICE CAME AND PICKED THEM UP LIKE THREE HOURS AGO.”BRE SAT THERE STILL HIGH AS HEAVEN TRYIN TO UNDERSTAND CORRECTLY” “WHERE THEY TAKE EM TO?” “THE GAURDIAN HOME PROLLY.” SHE COULDNT BELIEVE THIS,HER HIGH JUST GOT COMPLETLY BLOWN AFTER SHE HEARD THE NEWS.NOW THE POLICE WAS LOOKING FOR HER.SHE PANICKED AND HAD TO THINK QUICK AFTER GOING OVER HER OPTIONS SHE CALLED THE GAURDIAN HOME LOOKING FOR HER BRO AND SIS”HI IS THIS THE GAURDIAN HOME FOR CHILDREN?” ” YES IT IS HOW MAY I HELP YOU?” “MY LITTLE BROTHER AND SISTER JUST ARRIVED AND I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD COME GET THEM” “ONLY THE CHILDRENS LEGAL GAURDIAN CAN COME GET THEM IS THAT YOU” ” NO IM THEIR OLDER SISTER I BEEN TAKING CARE OF THEM SINCE MY MOM LEFT.” ‘ WELL UNTIL SOMEONE OF AGE CAN TAKE CARE OF THEM IM SORRY THEIR NOTHING YOU CAN DO I ADVISE YOU TO GET A LAWYER.” FEELING DEFEATED SHE JUST HUNG UP THE PHONE.” SO SHE CALLED BACK,THE SAM ELADY ANSWER THE PHONE.”MAY I HELP YOU?” ” YEAH I JUST CALLED AND I WAS WONDERING COULD I AT LEAST TALK TO EM FOR A MINUTE I MISS THEM SO MUCH?” ” SURE HOLD THE LINE.” WITHIN SECOND JOSH WAS ON THE PHONE AND BOY WAS HE HAPPY TO HEAR FROM HIS SISTER.”JOSH I CANT GET YALL THEY SAID THAT IM NOT YALL GAURDIAN.””BUT YOU SAID THAT YOU WOULDNT LET NOTHING BAD HAPPEN TO US AND LOOK WHERE WE AARE NOW BRE!”” JUST GIVE ME A COUPLE OF DAYS TO CLEAN UP MY SELF  YOU KNOW THE OLICE IS LOOKING FOR ME SINCE THEY GOT YALL ITS MIGHT TAKE LONGER BUT BEE STRONG JOSH I LOVE YOU.” JOSH COULDNT EVEN ANSWER AT THAT MOMENT THE REALIZATION THAT HE AND PORCHE WILL BE THERE MADE HIM CRY, NO ONE THOUGHT ABOUT THE PHYSICAL DAMAGE THESE KIDS ARE GOING THROUGH.” OKAY SIS WE WILL BE READY WHEN U GET HERE I LOVE YOU TOO” HE MANAGE TO SAY BETWEEN TEARS AND SNOT.WHEN THE PHONE HUNG UP BRE FFELT SO ALONE IN HERE MIND THIS WAS ALL HER FAULT IF SHE WASNT SO STRUNG OUT SHE WOULD BE ABLE TO ATLEAST THINK OF A SOLUTION.BRE HAD PROBLEMS OF HER OWN THOUGH,SHE WAS 15 NO JOB NO EDUCATION AND A GROWING HERION ADDICTION SHE WAS ALL MESSED UP BUT ALL SHE KNEW IS THAT SHE WASNT ABOUT TO LET HISTORY REPEAT ITS SELF.

WAT SHOULD SHE DO PART 3

SHE WALKED THE SREETS  HER BROTHER AND SISTER WITH HER.SHE DIDNT KNOW WAT HER NEXT MOVE WAS GON BE BECAUSE SHE KNEW THAT SHE COULDNT HAVE THE KIDS WITH HER SO SHE TOOK THEM TO AN OLD ABANDON BUILDING.”STAY HERE WITH YOUR SISTER TILL I GET BACK.””IM SCARED” JOSH SAID WITH HURT IN HIS EYES. BRE WAS SCARED TOO SHE WAS ONLY 15 YEARS OLD TRYING TO KEEEP HER BROTHERS AND SISTERS TOGETHER AND THIS WAS TOO MUCH FOR HER TO HANDLE.”I KNOW U SCARED JOSH BUT U GOTTA BE A BIG BOY AND LOOK AFTER UR SISTER.NOW YALL DONT SAY NOTHING AND IF SOMETHING HAPPEN RUN HOME””WE DONT HAVE A HOME NOMORE OR NO FOOD.” “IM BOUT TO GO GET YALL SOME SO STAY HERE I LOVE YALL” BRE WALKED AND TRIED TO FLAG DOWN A TRICK TO GET SOME QUICK MONEY BUT NOBODY WANTED HER BECAUSE OF THE BLACK EYE SHE HAD. SHE SEEN SOME OF HER HOOKER FRIENDS AND THOUHT MAYBE THEY COULD HELP HER.”WATS UP,YALL GOT SOME SHIT” EVEN THOUGH SHE CARED ABOUT HER SISTER AND BROTHER,THE HERION WAS CALLIN HER NAME.”YEAH BUT WE ONLY GOT ONE NEEDLE SO…””OH THATS COO CAN I STILL SHOT WITH YALL?”THE 3 LADYS WENT TO THE ALLEY AND GOT HIGH.BRE WAS SO HIGH SHE FORGOT ABOUT HER BROTHERS AND SISTER, SHE COULDNT STAND UP STRAIGHT AND SHE WAS FEELING LIKE SHE NEEDED SOME MORE.BACK AT THE ABANDON BUILDING JOSH AND HIS SISTER WAS SITTIN IN THE DARK HOUSE WAITIN ON THIER SISTER WHEN THEY HEARD A NOISE.JOSH GOT SCARED AND SO DID PORCHA.”LETS GET OUT OF HERE” THEY RAN TO THE ONLY PLACE THEY KNEW.THEIR OLD HOME.WHEN THEY SEEN THE POLICE OUTSIDE GIVING THE NEIGHBORS FLYERS OF TWO KIDS MISSING THEY PANICED BUT TOO LATE A LADY POINTED AT THEM AND IT WAS OVER JOSH AND PORCHA WAS ON THEIR WAY TO THE GUARDIAN HOME AND BRE HAS NO IDEA….BACK AT THE GUARDIAN HOME….

WHAT SHOULD SHE DO 2

he walked the streets for hours lookin for his older sister with her picture in his hand…he saw some women standing outside so apartments..”have u seen my big sister?””aint you renee’s baby,u look like renee’s son she used shows us pictures of yall,boy wat u doin over here? where yo momma”..even though he was only eight he wasnt slow.”my momma been dead for 2 months now and now im looking for my sister have u seen her?”..he gave her the picture to look at.”yeah thats that one young girls these tricks be talkin bout,she be doin some nasty stuff that i wouldnt even want my shadow  to see me do,she at the next corner on the porch”.he walked to down to where the lady was pointed and he seen his sister sitting outside on the porch with something in her hand,when she seen him walkin toward her she put the needle down and ran to him..”josh what u want im busy ill bring yall something  to eat later now go home before the police see yo ass.”we aint ate in 2 days we hungry,get it together before the police separate us”she looked at her brother and she was truly scared, scared she was going to loose her brother and sister and scared she was going to loose herself to the streets..she cried to herself and she took him to the store and then they went home…she feed the kid and took a much needed shower because u could smell before u seen her..she laid down and fell asleep..the kids was awoken by a knock on the door…The cps lady was banging on the door like she had a warrent,she had been notified that their mother had died and she wondered where was her kids…the kids looked out the window and seen her car outside,she knocked for another ten minutes and then she left making a mental note to come back later one….”bre dat lady gon keep coming here,we cant stay her for too long before she take us.””bre was almost close to a melt down and it made her think of her momma she understood why her momma couldnt handle it because its too much…makin sure the kids ate and trying to handle the bills is too much for a 15 to go through.. she really missed her momma..allof em did…. bre took them to one of her tricks house she meet one night..he told her that if she needed anything to call him,like any nieve girl she trusted him..”u think me and my lil sis and bros jus for the night?” “yeah i guesse but what do i get in return?” bre knew nothin was free.”imma take care of you just let me get them situated and ill make u feel good too.”while the kids was sleep she did wat she thought she had to do for her bro and sis..when the morning came,bres sister is always the first on up..so is the man….bre sister walked into the bathroom and so did the man….bre and josh was awaken be their little sisters screams,bre ran to the bathroom shocked to him on her sister,”get the fuck off her””shut up bitch i already had you so go back to sleep its her turn.” bre ran towards him and his fist connected with her eye knocking her to the floor…josh not know what to do ran to bre purse and grabbed the needles she had and stabbed him in the neck with it..bre got up went to the kitchen and slit his throat from the back..her sister got up and ran out the room screaming the whole time…in shock bre just gather what little things she could,took the kids and left…scared and with a black eye and two small kids she doesnt know what to do next….